It's okay to not align on what works for both of you. If your partner doesn't do it on their own, knowing you like it, and your needs aren't being met you have to make a decision how important it is to you. Your partner may choose to reciprocate more often when you do it regularly without expectations of reciprocation. You can do it without expectations of it being returned. You communicate to your partner that you like it. If he's stressing himself out to do it feels manufactured and insincere so it really doesn't make me feel that good anyway.īasically LDR stinks and you adjust as best you can. So he almost never does it even though thats what would make me feel affection. He speaks 6 languages and is always translating to some degree so being descriptive in English, even though I'd consider it his primary language, isn't something he usually has to do and thus stresses him out. He doesnt type long descriptive paragraphs. The only way I really feel that similar sense of love would be through a paragraph describing the physical affection. When I do makes him feel that much better because he knows it took special effort. So I'm very particular about when I ask if he's eaten.which again, is how he feels cared about and loved so while he'd like if I ask more I just dont. He would love if I asked him more, but it has to be done at precisely the right time to avoid certain side topics (those "other reasons") which upset me and then him and just all around creating drama. So it actually makes me really uncomfortable and defensive when he asks and its hard to step back and know he's just trying to care about me his way. I don't want to ask if he's eaten because it can lead to a whole argument right now because of previously mentioned other reasons. I don't want to talk about food when we're apart for all kinds of other reasons, BUT thats how he shows love. My partner's way of showing love is asking if I've eaten. I agree that it is nice if your partner tries to do things that make you feel loved the way you feel loved, but it can be easier said than done for some of the things.Įx. When I let go a bit we were both happier. I was in the same boat, but I found, after lots of frustration and disagreements, that pushing for some of the stuff that we didn't align on while long distance just made both of us more miserable. LDR is just so much work and we would rather have time with each other where both of us are happy instead of time where we're still stressed about forcing ourselves to do something we aren't comfortable with. I still communicate what I would like when we're together, but let go of some of my expectations when we're apart. I find I function best when I just let it go. While I feel like some things are missing they all seem to come easier when we're not long distance anyway. I would like to get the nsfw paragraphs even when we're in the same city whereas the romantic stuff I'd rather hear or have it written on a little notes around the house or cards.
So it is a rare occasion and I dont push much because the nsfw stuff should really be within both of our boundaries rather than one of us pushing the other. I did ask for longer, more descriptive, nsfw texts because that's something I really enjoy, but he hates doing that. We just send cute lovey gifs when we are being mushy.
I don't like being mushy one, though I would certainly enjoy reading it, so I dont send that kind of paragraph often either. My bf doesn't like sending long messages at all. I think it's a natural learning process in a relationship to exchange and understand each others way of showing love so that you can actually receive it the way it's meant.
It took us talking about it to understand what we mean in what we express and how, and now that we know that we have no problem seeing the intentions behind the little things we do and that what we do to show our love varies between us. His version of that is actual spending time together on video call, and being there until I fall asleep. When apart I send him random messages every once in a while to tell him I love him or miss him, because that's how I can express my feelings best when we are apart. Because that's how he can express his feelings best and same goes for me with giving him physical touch. However whenever we are together he'll constantly give me some sort of physical expression of love like hand holding, random touches, kisses. My husband is really bad at texting, he is a bit scatterbrained sometimes and just doesn't think about it.
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